walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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