I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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