I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
