Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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