please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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