I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
