If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
