he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
