she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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