I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
