the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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