Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize