her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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