She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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