Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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