Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
