I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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