Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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