Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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