i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
