Please, let me fuck your mom
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
