I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
