I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
