Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents

(636): View more from Missouri

never have sex?

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(760): View more from California

genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

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(914): View more from New York

my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet

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(504): View more from Louisiana

But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...

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(301): View more from Maryland

When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?

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(206): View more from Washington

Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.

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(219): View more from Indiana

he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off

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(630): View more from Illinois

I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco

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