Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
