Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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