Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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