Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
