My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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