Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
