it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This house was built for laser tag.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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