dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
