she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
