My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
