Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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