READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
third nipple confirmed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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