I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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