my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize