so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
