he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
third nipple confirmed
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
