so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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