Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
