I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had sex on a roof
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize