gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
