bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
