Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
