bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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