how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
