Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
