he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize