my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
