May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
