I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
