Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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