okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
