So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want her autograph on my taint
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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