dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
