he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
