Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
