real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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