dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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