i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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