why didn't you poke me back
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
