I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
