I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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