it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
