I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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