fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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