Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
