He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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