Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
