I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
