What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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