thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
